November is always my time of pondering things on life, death, and God in the midst of it. It’s this month that my grandpa died. It’s this month that we would be celebrating Ezekiel Lee’s birthday. This year he would have been nine.

The fall before we lost Ezekiel, I remember driving and looking at the leaves and how gorgeous they were, and then the dichotomy of the fact that they were dying, but there was such beauty in their death! How can death be beautiful? How can there be sadness and joy at the same time? After we lost Ezekiel in April, I dove into the book of Job seeking God in the pain of loss. These words stood out to me.

“Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head [grieved] and fell on the ground and worshiped.” (Job 1:20)

What a contradiction it seems. When Job was at his darkest place, he worshipped God.

The beauty of death and pain and suffering is that it pushes us to Christ. The beauty is that God never changes, even when our world falls apart. There’s more than this, so when we hurt and ache, we know this is not what we were made for…this is not our home.

Whatever we face, we can praise, because we know there’s more than this. We praise because He is worthy, no matter what. There’s a song that I’ve been listening to with a great reminder. It says, “In grief and in glory, still great is His faithfulness.” What a beautiful truth that my circumstances, don’t change His promises.

Since God stays the same, I pray, by His grace, my heart will be prepared whatever comes that I can say, “And when whatever’s done is done, may my grief and praise be one.”

The Beauty Of Death

Beautiful death, beautiful pain,

Bringing me to my knees again.

God is. God was. He’ll always be;

Through my joy or in my grief.

Will I dwell in darkness there;

Hide my face in despair?

Or, through my tears, will I fall,

Praising He Who’s Lord of all?

He gives, He takes, still blessed be

The Name who by grace I’m free.

The beauty of death I now can see,

If only I’ll fall in my knees.

Surely there’s no sweeter sound

When we fall to the ground,

And praise Him who gives and takes away;

Give Him glory, come what may.

And when whatever’s done is done,

May my grief and praise be one.

(Job 1:20)